why did I chase you for so long? Was it because you were supposedly my “dream girl” I guess. But finding out you started talking to somebody and now you have a boyfriend it helped my realize whats been right in front of my face for soo long but to blind to see it, but for real, im not mad at you, you were just doin your own thing so sa’ll good and I know joy your gunna read this and be like this douche bag, but even when we both started school we both already had that “what if” but honestly, I was the stupid one. I shoulda went with my gut feeling. But hey better late than never riight? but forreal tho, i’ve been happyy with how close we got ever especally yesterday. Laying down with you resting my head on your shoulders it didnt feel weird at all, it felt right. Changing my name on your phone too Jaaeee(: and adding your name to mine as jooooy:] its different from that ading and kuya relationship. Its like we have that same relationship but just not as those titles anymore. Maybe im jumping to ahead of myself? idk i still want to take things slow like you told me yesterday your slowly letting your guard down and were taking things step by step handling this like its a piece of glass that we dont want to break. Its different how close we got before we actually got this close. we literally spend every single day together and you know me better than anybody else and i know you, i know your weakness, I know your strength and i know what your capable of. You seen every single side of me even me and my darkest side that nobody has ever seen before and know when somethings up without even the slightest clue. So lets soo were this leads us :]
p.s
your still an asshole <3
Tells a story of boy meets girl.
…just waiting for “and they lived happily ever after”
Why is it so hard to get over you. Seriously as much as I try to I just cant. I tried not talking to you, I missed you to much, I tried getting with another girl, she didnt compare to you. Why did I let myself get soo attatched. Fuck I knew this would happen. Knew it would hurt, but not like this. Im actually hurting. Did I really fall in love with you? fml seriously. This time im the one backing off from you. And what do you do? you just text me saying “heyy” or randomly call me. I know you dont mean it, but your fucking with my emotions. I guess its karma for all the shit I did in my past relationship. But still tho, whenever you decide if you want to be with me, I’ll be here.
Its funny because, i’m more scared than ever knowing that what i thought we had, was nothing at all.
Your guard is up and afraid of getting hurt, your afraid of getting too attached and then me just letting go. I know how that feels. I know how it feels to have those doubts flooding through your head. I read your stuff, I know how you feel. I can honestly tell you that i feel the same way. Im afraid that if i get to close then your guard is just going block me off from you. Im afraid that im going to lose you to somebody else. Im afraid that one little mistake and I will lose you forever. I swear i know I said this about you before, and I blog about you way to much but but I am falling hard for you. and I can feel that your feeling it too. So lets both let our guards down and tell each other how we really feel. Tell me you love me, i’ll tell you i’ll love you too. tell me you want to be with me, and i’ll tell you that I only want to be with you. I want too let you know everything. but then again im afraid that if i do, you’ll get scared and close off from me.
“now that I told you how I feel tell me now if its wrong or is it real”
-raynard silva-Everytime
Take everything that I worked for take everything that i’ve sacrificed by making me feel like I’ve done nothing. I know I’ve made my share of mistakes. I know I’ve lost people because of my actions my choices my responsibilities. I know I drank when is shouldn’t drink, I know i’ve done drugs that i shouldn’t have. I know this. Im reminded of this every single day when I look at myself in the mirror. Well guess what IM NOT PERFECT nobody is, if there were perfect people in the world then world would be even more fucked up as it already is.
Im sorry i don’t fit in that category of the chosen few that gets into the top notch colleges, im sorry I dont fit in the category of the child whose parents pay for everything. Im sorry that I wanted to be independent im sorry that I didnt want you guys help because I know you couldn’t help me. Im not holding it againts you, Im just dealing as best as I know how. Im just not used to the fact that it takes it takes me to get in this kind of bind for you to finally help me. But Im not even asking for you help, you offer it, I swallow my pride and accept it. I am greatful, but honestly DONT THROW THAT SHIT IN MY FACE dont give me a guilt trip to make me stay home because you helped me pay for my bills. I never throw all the money that i lent you in your face. how about the fact that when you asked for 800$ I gave you right then n there, or when you asked me for 600$ a month just to help pay for the cars? but then your letting my brother drive YOUR car for free. really? cool story bro.
p.s. Next time you tell me “then why wont you go out and do your own thing on your own then” Dont expect me to come back. just sayin
I worked so hard to try and build up the relationship that we have now and I finally know how it feels. Terrifying. Idk, I worked soo hard and honestly, I think I got too attatched because if things dont work out…It going to hurt..hurt bad. Just thinking about it Chips away my heart. But then I talk to you, and it just rebuilds again. I gotta keep in mind that your different from the rest. From past relationships. Girls I met in the mean time. None of them got me like you do. I dont know why im soo forsure about you, but then soo clueless. That night that we watched fireworks, holding you, hugging you, having your arms wrapped around me. It just felt right, it felt like nothing else mattered, as cliche as that sounds its so true. Those cheesy cliche lines just dont seem soo cheesy anymore, they seem very relevant at the moment. In the back of my head I keep asking myself “how long will this last” I dont want to have doubts in my head, I just want too kick them out and be like “Your not welcome here” but if those doubts arnt there, I can just get soo high up on infatuation that I get too high that I fall, and you wont be there to catch me. I want you to reinsure me that things are going to work out, just give it time. Just let me knoww how you feel. Let me know if things end up slipping and if it can be avoided. Talk to me. right now we need too communicate with each other. right now we need to be able to trust each other. And we got trust down. I trust you. It takes alot for me too trust. I dont just open up to everyone. You said you trust me, Trust me holding your heart and I promise I wont let go if you promise you will hold onto mine.
“Hold on to me, and I wont leave”
